This past year has been my hardest, trying to adapt to the world that needed one to be independent and strong.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m all of those things but because I want to be strong I tend not to deal with issues as they arise but I usually tuck them away safely and hope they don’t appear. I usually dealt with my academics that’s it.
My social life is rather sketchy but I have pretty good friends who give great moral support.
With everything almost going right, time and again I would feel overwhelmed. Either the day would be too happy or too sad. Couldn’t deal with those sudden changes. Simple tasks began to weigh on me. Didn’t know what was the cause and I wasn’t intending on finding it. Just like all the other problems I tucked it away.
But now I would have repeated episodes of me loosing my grip on reality and not knowing what to do. Not feeling emotions began to be a regular thing. “Don’t feel it, conceal it”.
Whatever was going on, I made it a priority to keep it a secret. I made occasional excuses like, “I don’t get that chapter” or “what’s up with the weather these days?”
I had all those emotions in a jar and I being a little person in the jar trying to get out. Drowning in my own problems, what a mess I made. Was I depressed or oppressed?
It was time to deal with them. So I did it the only way I know how. The use of pen & paper. Wrote everything I thought was a problem and saw a solution & what I wanted to come out of it. You can say after that session I was feeling much better.
Those pages with my stories I burned. Appearantly its supposed to be therapeutic. Now I’m happier and resolving any problem I might have now.